Stadio Delle Recreation Park

Ormiston, East Lothian, EH35 191.

Ormiston FC take on Peebles Rovers in an East of Scotland 1st division match. Ormiston run out 3-2 winners.

Lettuce ponder this

At work today I had to do some research into what speed snails could travel at. (You've probably heard me talk about how important my work is).

It caused me to come across this article from 2010.

Sidney crowned world's fastest snail"Ready, steady, slow!" 

- Sidney the snail stormed to victory at the World Snail Racing Championship in Norfolk. He beat off stiff competition over the 13-inch course to win a silver tankard stuffed with lettuce.
The event at Congham near King's Lynn has been running for nearly 40 years, and although there are a number of imitations it's the only recognised World Championship. 
This year's winner belongs to 62-year-old Claire Lawrence, from Litcham in Norfolk, and crossed the line in three minutes 41 seconds.
"I'm shell shocked my mum has won, as it's the first time she has entered," her son Harry Lawrence told Rex.
"She selected Sidney a couple of days ago and she has been training him in our garden and feeding him on a diet of rocket salad."
The world record stands at two minutes and was set by a snail called Archie in 1995. Unfortunately this year's windy conditions meant times were much slower than usual.

It's just brilliant. Firstly, and probably leastly, for the puns, whether intended or not. "I'm shell-shocked?" Did Harry actually say this? Was he planning to turn his flimsy connection to Sidney into some sort of platform for his comedic talents? Or was it genuinely inadvertent?

Then there's Sidney's award. A tankard (because a bowl or something would just be insulting) stuffed with lettuce (because of course a tankard alone would be of little value to a snail).

Then the training regime, and the apparent belief that two days on rocket salad made Sidney the snail he is today (or at least, then. He's probably been done in by a starling by now). Does Harry (you'll have picked up already that I have my suspicions about this Harry character) really think we can be led in to believing the logic that changing an animal's typical diet slightly (but not radically) for a fraction of its lifespan (starlings permitting) causes an animal to have heightened powers? It's a bit like (I've built myself up for a super-funny analogy here and I'm going to fail epically)......

The best bit though is learning that wind conditions greatly affect the performance of even rocket salad-eating snaiils. And that there are people who've studied whether they do or not. 

BREAKING NEWS...before I finish this, think I've just found the best taglines ever... the first result googling 'fastest snail 2011' comes up with a link to another snail racing event with the description:

FIRST it was worm charming and now it's snail racing...it can only mean one thing - The Prestatyn Flower Show