The Sven Tapes

Before old age struck me down, I had a friend called Sven who - particularly in the early hours of Saturday night when slightly squiffy - would phone up late night LBC radio phone-ins trying, for some reason, to emulate Sven of Swiss Cottage, who was a friend of the late Peter Cook in the 1980s.

The Sven I knew never gave his location as Swiss Cottage (fearing someone might think him trying to impersonate Cook's friend Sven). Once he was "of Pimlico, but not in Pimlico" because, at time of calling, he was resident in Edinburgh cat-sitting (this was in fact an eleborate storyline Sven deployed to try and explain the otherwise inexplicable Scottish lilt to his broad Norwegian accent).

For reasons we can only put down to gross professionalism on the part of the producer, Sven never got through to Clive Bull, who hosted Mr Cook's friend many a night 20 something years ago. But my Sven found solace, nay, an even better ear in the form of Bill Buckley, whose slot proceeded Mr Bull's, and who was good enough to engage in Svennish conversation ranging from Nina Simone to lorne sausage to Sven's estranged wife Jutta, now a professional boxer living in the US.

This mercifully short slip is the only snippet from the Pimlico vaults which can even start to be described as an inadvertent one liner on the part of Sven:-

http://yourlisten.com/channel/content/103594/Sven_ 

This one meanwhile is, quite frankly, even more a waste of your time, but at least explains how discussion of lorne sausage (with haggis in the centre!) once snuck into a radio chat show on LBC radio

http://yourlisten.com/channel/content/103593/The_Sven_Files

Don't panic...

...Everything's completely under control...

Start hand: Sun Jan 22 18:42:49 GMT 2012

Table: Table #36 [210199790] (NO_LIMIT TEXAS_HOLDEM 100/200, ante: 20, Chips)

User: iamthejomo

Button: seat 3

Players in round: 9

Seat 1: sapuncho (1245)

Seat 3: raumar (1195)

Seat 4: khkg (9140)

Seat 5: luckysisco6 (6895)

Seat 6: genrich73rus (1430)

Seat 7: iamthejomo (4710)

Seat 8: PToruam (15620)

Seat 9: mazz. (8635)

Seat 10: Sarovskii (10130)

khkg posts ante 20

luckysisco6 posts ante 20

genrich73rus posts ante 20

iamthejomo posts ante 20

PToruam posts ante 20

mazz. posts ante 20

Sarovskii posts ante 20

sapuncho posts ante 20

raumar posts ante 20

khkg posts small blind (100)

luckysisco6 posts big blind (200)

---

Dealing pocket cards

Dealing to iamthejomo: [Ad, 7s]

genrich73rus folds

iamthejomo calls 200

PToruam raises 600 to 600

mazz. folds

Sarovskii folds

sapuncho folds

raumar folds

khkg calls 500

luckysisco6 calls 400

iamthejomo calls 400

--- Dealing flop [Qc, Ah, 2c]

khkg bets 8520 [all in]

luckysisco6 folds

iamthejomo calls 4090 [all in]

PToruam folds

--- Dealing turn [Th]

--- Dealing river [9c]

---

Summary:

Main pot: 10760 won by iamthejomo (10760)

Rake taken: $0

Seat 1: sapuncho (1225), net: -20

Seat 3: raumar (1175), net: -20

Seat 4: khkg (4430), net: -4710, [Ks, Td] (PAIR TEN)

Seat 5: luckysisco6 (6275), net: -620

Seat 6: genrich73rus (1410), net: -20

Seat 7: iamthejomo (10760), net: +6050, [Ad, 7s] (PAIR ACE)

Seat 8: PToruam (15000), net: -620

Seat 9: mazz. (8615), net: -20

Seat 10: Sarovskii (10110), net: -20

***** End of hand T5-210199790-40 *****

Sadly Mr khkg completely and utterly lost the plot moments later.  Not that I'm complaining. I'm so bad at this malarky I ned all the help I can get!

Start hand: Sun Jan 22 18:44:44 GMT 2012

Table: Table #36 [210199790] (NO_LIMIT TEXAS_HOLDEM 100/200, ante: 20, Chips)

User: iamthejomo

Button: seat 5

Players in round: 10

Seat 1: sapuncho (1205)

Seat 2: marginson_bg (2415)

Seat 3: raumar (1155)

Seat 4: khkg (5310)

Seat 5: luckysisco6 (6155)

Seat 6: genrich73rus (1190)

Seat 7: iamthejomo (10740)

Seat 8: PToruam (14980)

Seat 9: mazz. (8595)

Seat 10: Sarovskii (9690)

genrich73rus posts ante 20

iamthejomo posts ante 20

PToruam posts ante 20

mazz. posts ante 20

Sarovskii posts ante 20

sapuncho posts ante 20

marginson_bg posts ante 20

raumar posts ante 20

khkg posts ante 20

luckysisco6 posts ante 20

genrich73rus posts small blind (100)

iamthejomo posts big blind (200)

---

Dealing pocket cards

Dealing to iamthejomo: [2d, Ad]

PToruam folds

mazz. folds

Sarovskii calls 200

sapuncho folds

marginson_bg folds

raumar folds

khkg calls 200

luckysisco6 folds

genrich73rus folds

iamthejomo checks

--- Dealing flop [Tc, 8c, Jd]

iamthejomo checks

Sarovskii checks

khkg checks

--- Dealing turn [3d]

iamthejomo checks

Sarovskii checks

khkg checks

--- Dealing river [Qd]

iamthejomo bets 200

Sarovskii folds

khkg raises 5090 to 5090 [all in]

iamthejomo calls 4890

---

Summary:

Main pot: 11080 won by iamthejomo (11080)

Rake taken: $0

Seat 1: sapuncho (1185), net: -20

Seat 2: marginson_bg (2395), net: -20

Seat 3: raumar (1135), net: -20

Seat 4: khkg (0), net: -5310, [6d, Ks] (HIGH_CARD KING)

Seat 5: luckysisco6 (6135), net: -20

Seat 6: genrich73rus (1070), net: -120

Seat 7: iamthejomo (16510), net: +5770, [2d, Ad] (FLUSH ACE)

Seat 8: PToruam (14960), net: -20

Seat 9: mazz. (8575), net: -20

Seat 10: Sarovskii (9470), net: -220

***** End of hand T5-210199790-42 *****

Havens Alive

Immense stuff, absolutely immense.

Thank you driver

Why do people say this to bus drivers? You don't say 'thank you pilot' or 'thank you dentist' or 'thank you bra fitter'. Why bus drivers?

Stop it immediately.

The world needs to sit up and start discussing the real issues facing mankind

And so, in an act that will probably be counted as the greatest achievement in my life(no genuinely, it probably will) I have started that discussion >>> World's Most Important Theological Debate Here

Could we really see a translucent snooker ball in our lifetime?

The Works

I have decided I'm going to make a start on my novel today, henceforth to be referred to as 'the works'.

It's taken barely a couple of years to come up with the title, Wilde, Sex and Murder at the Blue Cock Hotel, and a few weeks ago I came up with as good an opening hook as my tiny mind is ever likely to muster. All that's left now is the tiny little task of writing the actual thing.

I've clearly missed this being a New Year's resolution, but seeing that yesterday marked T minus 200 days to the Olympics (super hooray and and all that stuff) it seemed as good as any point to set myself a clear aim: write 500 words a day in order to reach my 100k.Obviously now there's only 199 days to go, but I'm hopeful of making that lost 2.5 words per day up over the next 199 (I'm not really - in fact I don't think I'll even get 500 words done this evening).

Right, I've opened Microsoft Word. It's how all the greats began...

Ed Miliband Gaffe

O is miles away from A on the keyboard. Just an observation.

Here's another observation:-

Failed First Footer

Those of you who know me will often wonder I'm sure how I got this way. The following little nugget may shed some light.

I went to buy some shoes on Sunday. Picked up a pair that were in the sales off the shelf.

First shoe had a label on the sole saying 11 (UK) 46 (EUR) L. That'll do me I thought. I'm a size 11. Don't really need to know the European size to be honest, and it's plainly a large shoe, but you go for it with your wide variety of size descriptions if you like Jimmy.

Then I picked up the other shoe. This one said 11 (UK) 46 (EUR) R. This confused me a bit, I must admit. If they're both a size 11 (both a size 46 indeed), how can one be deemed large and the other only regular?

Possibly something to do with the breadth of the shoe, I hypothesised. So I tried them on. Both felt the same to me, so I thought bugger it, I'll just get them anyway.

It took just under 48 hours to dawn what the L and R actually stood for.

Happy New Year...

...and all that jazz.

People keep complaining that I often fall off the edge of the world. Not literally, but in the sense that I'm never heard from for weeks, nay months on end.

So I am starting a blog in order to let you know where I am and/or what I'm doing.

I aim to update at least once every three or four months, so checking this together with my twit account - http://www.twitter.com/dasjomo - you should all know whether or not I'm alive to within a six week timeframe.

Have a great 2012. And don't go backing Prosecco in the 1.55 at Ayr today - it might just win.

Jomo x